Green With Envy
by mynamemattersnot
Summary: It's Saint Patrick's day on the Enterprise. Data learns the practice of pinching people who are not wearing green and goes about the ship pinching people.


**Author's Note: This Idea just came to me and I had to write it. Hope you all like it. I claim no ownership over Star Trek or its characters.**

Data was sitting in Ten Forward when he noticed a kid pinching another kid.

"You're not wearing green," The kid said to the other kid.

Data was both curious and confused. Guinan came over after seeing the look on Data's face.

"You look confused." Guinan commented.

"That is an accurate assumption." Data replied.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes I do. I just saw a child pinch another child and telling him he is not wearing green and-"

"Data, that is an old human tradition. You see, Data, on Saint Patrick's Day, which is today, people pinch other people for not wearing green."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Data. It's just a very old tradition."

"I see. Thank you, Guinan for informing me."

Data left Ten Forward quick and put on something green. He then walked out of his quarters and saw a vulcan officer not wearing green. He went over and pinch the vulcan.

The vulcan looked at Data with an emotionless expression, "Why did you do that?"

"Because you are not currently wearing any green attire. It is a human tradition to pinch anyone who is not wearing the color green."

The vulcan simply nodded in understanding and walked off to continue her duties.

Data encountered Geordi next. He saw that Geordi was not wearing any green at all. He went over and pinched Geordi. Geordi first looked at Data in confusion. After a moment of thought, Geordi remembered what day it was and started laughing.

"It seems you caught me, Data."

"Yes, I have."

"If I didn't know better Data, I would say that you enjoyed catching me off guard."

"No, Geordi. I am incapable of feeling any kind of pleasure which means that I could not have enjoyed pinching you."

"I see," Geordi said disbelieving me, "You know, Data, you should be careful with who you pinch. Some people will not react well to you pinching them."

"But is it not human tradition to pinch anyone who is not wearing green?"

"It is, Data, but you shouldn't go around pinching everyone you see. Some people might get upset."

"Ah, then I will be more careful on who I choose to pinch."

Data went on pinching people except now he was more _"careful"._ Geordi's warning didn't stop Data from pinching Worf. Worf growled at him and barred his teeth at him. Data just looked at Worf not at all intimidated by Worf's expression despite the fact that it practically yelled _I'm going to rip your head off._

Worf growled again, "I do not like this holiday and refuse to participate in it."

"Well then I am sorry that I pinched you."

"You better be." Worf said glaring at him.

Data just went on pinching people like nothing had happened. He came across Wesley in a green sweater.

"I see you are wearing the proper attire." Data said.

"Yeh, I had to. Other kids my age just love to pinch other people."

After Wesley and Data talked for a little while, Data went to pinch more people. He pinched Riker.

"Okay, Data, you caught me red handed. I'm not wearing any green today." Riker said.

"But, sir, your hands are not a red color." Data replied.

"It's just an expression, Data."

"Ah, then I have caught you red handed."

Riker smiled a little bit clearly amused.

"Commander Data to the bridge." Picard said over the intercom.

"On my way, sir." Data replied before he headed to the bridge.

Picard looked at Data's awkard green outfit and doesn't seem pleased.

"Data, what the hell are you wearing?!"

"Green, sir. Is that not the custom of Saint Patrick's day?"

"Well, it might be custom by I'm not going to watch you parade around this ship looking like a leprechaun. Go put on your uniform."

"Yes, sir." Data said before he headed back to his quarters to change.

Before he got back, he ran into Counselor Troi.

"Data, what are you wearing?" She asked.

Data was wearing all green. His pants and shirt were a dark green. He was wearing a green hat with a clover on it. He also wore a vest and green shoes. He looked almost exactly like a giant leprechaun.

"Green, counselor, but I am going to change into my uniform."

Troi suppressed her laughter, "Yeh, Data, that's a good idea."

Data changed and went to the bridge getting pinched back by several officers. He got to back to his station looking quite _"amused"._

**Author's Note: I enjoyed writing this. Hope you all enjoyed reading it. Review. 8D!**


End file.
